Published January 1, 2024

Stuckness

Welcoming The Unwelcome

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Summary: Feeling “stuck” in her Type 1 Diabetes healing journey, the author reflects on its complexity, possibly linked to ADHD traits and deeper uncertainties. She explores the significance of acknowledging this state, perceiving it as a reflection of internal struggles. Drawing insights from Britt Frank’s book, the author recognises the anxiety associated with remaining stuck and yet the comfort it provides. However, she also confronts its limitations in inhibiting personal growth and self-discovery.

Stuckness! Is that a word?? I’m guessing it isn’t but it certainly feels like the right word for me right now. I suspect that this is partly an ADHD thing (task overwhelm, difficulty prioritising and so on) but there’s something else to it too. Healing Type 1 Diabetes feels like such a massive task that I sometimes wonder if I’m doing the right thing at all (in terms of actually being successful at healing).

I could just sit here and write about the lovely new ideas I’ve had for how to heal T1D (there are many!) or produce a theoretical piece on what I think is going on with the condition that is T1D. But, to be honest, I want to be real and I want to be honest. When I have healed my diabetes, it will be important to look back on these moments of stuckness (yep, I did use that word again!!) alongside the moments of success. Other people will want to see that it’s not a straight line journey.

I do believe that there is something about being stuck that has value. I think it might be an outward manifestation of what is actually going on inside our bodies. Somehow, with Type 1 Diabetes, the body gets stuck in this fight-flight-freeze response. The switch doesn’t get turned off and the body doesn’t reset into a rest-and-repair mode. So, rather than having the natural waves of rising to the fight-flight-freeze response and then falling back to the rest-repair mode when the stressful event has passed, we are stuck. The rest of our being will reflect that. Our physiology will respond accordingly. Our emotions will respond accordingly. Our thought processes will respond accordingly. The whole ecosystem of the human body will resonate with and honour this deceleration.

I have been looking around for solutions for stuck. I came across the book ‘The Science of Stuck’ by Britt Frank. In the book, Britt argues that anxiety is a your way out of stuckness. You become anxious because your body and mind are trying to alert you to the fact that you are ignoring yourself and not living your authentic life.

Britt argues that staying stuck can have benefits. I certainly identify with this. Staying stuck means that I don’t have to show people I’m struggling or doubting myself or lost or lonely. Keeping myself at home and doing nothing means that I don’t have to witness myself fail as I attempt to do something I really want to do. Staying stuck gives me a feeling of safety – that I can’t be criticised or attacked or seen as a disappointment by others when I try something new or reveal more of who I truly am.

I understand when Britt states that being stuck is a survival response. It has truly kept me safe for all these years. But, and this is a big but, it has also stopped me from having more and being more than I am. It has truly stopped me from knowing who I am. I have remained as potential and have yet to try actualising. I don’t have any idea of how far I might be able to go. That saddens me. But it is currently where I sit on this journey. So I will do my best to honour this and see what comes.

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Natalie Leader

Natalie is a blogger with Type 1 Diabetes. Natalie's special gifts are questioning the status quo and being a rebel. She is using these gifts to question medical 'knowledge' and find a true cure for Type 1 Diabetes.

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Stuckness

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